Out Of Order

I realized (after it was pointed out to me by a sharp eyed member of the audience) that I have spoken a bit out of order. My only excuse is related to my grief at having to say goodbye to Diet Coke, which for now is off limits due to it's incredible heartburn inducing capabilities. Sniff...

My initial intention was to explain what the nine letters after my name actually mean. The hidden agenda with that explanation is to explain why the letters need explanation and why that makes my profession pretty silly. Shall I explain?

The title MA, LLPC, NCC means that I am a Masters Level, Limited License Professional Counselor, and a Nationally Certified Counselor. This means I am certified to provide psychotherapy for individuals, couples, adolescents, kids, substance abusers, and so on. The NCC means that I am certified to do this in 38 states. (Missouri, here we come!)

What this actually means is that I owe the Department of Education a small fortune, and am part of a not-very-elite group of crackpots that have the complicated world of psychotherapy "all figured out". Most of us seem to have pretty high opinions of ourselves and a barely concealed disdain for other members of the social services field. (Sorry, MSWs, we secretly think you stink at therapy but are very glad you are there to help us find community resources.)

What I've come to realize is that all of these letters after my name do not add up to the towering authority that I'd been hoping for. My subordinates (i.e. Husby, Dog and Darling Child) still have limited respect for my commands. I still can't get into the VIP room at the bar or get my meals paid for by my fans. They still won't put me through to George Clooney's personal voice mail, and no one has bothered to listen to my diatribe about why I need a Secret Service agent of my own.

So it has occurred to me that the more letters one has after their name, the less authority one actually has. If some is an MD, for example, you know exactly what that means. Even a PhD is a pretty good indicator of social rank. But an MALLPCNCC? Meaningless, and disregarded. Oh, wait! I could sit through another 12 credit hours and get an LMFT (licensed marriage and family therapist), would I be cool then?

No.

Ooooh, what if I got an LLP(limited license psychologist)? Then I could be MALLPCNCCLMFTLLP and boy, does THAT roll right off the tongue. An even lengthier explanation of that moniker would be required, as well as a much longer payback period on my student loans. Little career opportunities in any of these fields make the joke even funnier.

And the sad fact is that most of us, LLPs, LMFTs, MSWs, LLPCs and so on, do approximately the same thing. We can all be hired for the same jobs, make the same crap salaries, and garner little respect from the doctors. (Whom we often mock but secretly aspire to be.)

So, to answer the question of my sharp eyed reader, the letters after my name apparently don't mean diddly-squat. But they are mine, by jove, and I have a big blue piece of paper from the State Department of Mental Health that says I am authorized to screw with people's minds. Now if I could just find someone to pay me to do it....